the poetpuff girls/everything I desire to be

Rhiannon McGavin, Zariya Allen, and Belissa Escobedo are the most amazing, moving, and beautiful poets, their poetry makes me want to cry and laugh and just do all the emotions at once.  I don't think I've ever respected people in my generation so much. Check out their youtube channel and the videos Get Lit takes of their performances its really so astonishingly wonderful.

Snickerdoodle Waffles

Essentially really fluffy waffles coated in cinnamon sugar and piled onto plates.
Makes 6-8 waffles depending on waffle iron size

Ingredients
1 2/3 cup flour
1 tablespoon baking powder (yes, very, very fluffy)
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 beaten eggs
1/2 cup melted, then cooled butter
1 1/2 cups milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup sugar and 1 tablespoon cinnamon for the topping

Instructions
Put the flour, baking powder, brown sugar, and salt in a medium bowl, whisk to combine.  Separately, combine the eggs milk and vanilla.  Add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix together.  Add the cooled butter and stir until there are nearly no lumps left.  Heat up your waffle iron and use according to manufacturers instructions.  I usually do 1/2 cup at a time.  While the first one cooks combine the sugar and cinnamon in a plate/ shallow bowl.  Dip both sides of the hot waffle in the mixture (depending on the the shape of the waffles you may have to do some sprinkling to fully coat).  These are already quite sweet, so a little fruit and butter go perfectly

Directionally Indecisive

This is an extremely indecisive time of year.  The weather can't decide if it wants to bring us warmer days or stay bitter and breezy.  I can't decide between soccer and theatre, studying or sleeping, figuring out a summer job or just volunteering with swim team, technical theatre or photography.  I'm spending over 12 hours at school between early morning classes, soccer practice, and rehearsal for Hairspray.  There isn't much time for homework, socializing, or even alone time.  I feel pulled in a thousand directions, constantly being asked to choose one, but never really picking.  I do finally feel like I have a place, but I have too many and I can't be in all of them at once.  I overestimated myself, which isn't something I do often.  Hairspray will be over soon, I'll have more time for soccer and photography after school, and then I'll be in Germany practicing the language I can barely carry a conversation in.  I think I spent a lot of time trying to find a place at this school, and now I fit in too many places and I'm not in a position to pick one over the other. I can't. High school is supposed to be when you figure out what you love, and begin to pursue it, but how can you possibly find out what you love when its wrapped up in stress and schoolwork and late nights pulling out of the school parking lot?

Improvised Snow Day Apple Tart

So today we were let out of school early due to the light powder drifting down onto the sidewalk and the optimistic predictions of multiple inches. Yes, for Charlottesville that is optimistic. We all left our last period classes smiling and making plans for the afternoon, even if most of us were just going to go home and rejoice in the luxury of getting to do absolutely nothing.  My neighborhood was already coated in a thin 2 inch layer of white, and everything looked beautiful.  I love the way snow creates a simpler world, and everything looks magical and kind of sparkly.  I don't know.  I went on a walk with a friend, drank coffee and played rummy with my family.  I felt like I was in some sort of uplifting teen movie. I mean we had chicken pot pie for dinner. You can't get more picturesque than a happy four person family eating steaming pot pie by a snowy window.  We knew there was no chance of going to school the next day, and we could already envision our sledding hill and the plans we would make with our friends.  It's one of those times that makes you never want to grow up.
But while sitting around waiting for dinner to be ready, I noticed an abandoned piece of puff pastry laying on the counter, most likely the leftovers from the pot pie creation.  At my old school I had learned to make little apple dumplings by cutting puff pastry dough into squares, pilling apples and cinnamon sugar on top, then pinching the bundle together in a haphazard way.  I considered doing that, but decided against it when I realized we didn't have a lot of cinnamon and it also seemed like a lot of work for something my family would just gobble up.  I instead, began to improvise my own "apple tart" recipe.  Here it is, it isn't perfect, it is in no way planned, but just a cozy dessert for a cozy day.

1 sheet of puff pastry dough (I used Pepperidge Farm, always have always will)

2 small apples, peeled and thinly sliced

1/4 cup of light brown sugar

1/2  lemon

1 tbsp butter, melted

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

Roll pastry dough out so it is slightly thinner, not too much.  Cover a baking sheet in parchment paper and place the dough on that.  Put brown sugar in a medium bowl and add the apples.  Toss apples in the sugar until they're coated.  Next squeeze the lemon half over the apples and stir around to mix.  Use your fingers to line the apples up evenly on the dough, overlapping slightly.  Leave a 1/2 inch around the edges.  Pour the melted butter over the apples (because butter makes things better), then bake for 20 minutes or until the dough is browned and the apples look cooked.  It isn't particularly beautiful but it is delicious, and that's what counts.

Dutch Baby Pancake (with apples)

No, I am not making a pancake out of blonde haired blue eyed European children.  I know my cannibal audience is just devastated and I hate to disappoint, but I don't eat people. Shocking, I know.  Anyway this is just a yummy breakfast recipe I stumbled across midst the organized chaos that is my mother's recipe binders. With fall slipping through my fingers and apple season coming to a close I'm realizing I never really celebrated it. So think of this pancake with it's cinnamon and apple crispy deliciousness as my feeble tribute and as the weak season finale to a beautiful fall.
Now, pancake is used lightly when referring to this breakfast delight.  It's more of a mass of eggy dough covering apples and cinnamon that fills an entire pan and sometimes curls up to make a strange bowl formation in the oven because, like a real baby, it is very unpredictable.  The Germans invented it (I know the name is misleading in many ways just leave it alone) so what more would you expect from my ancient relatives.  And because I like to torture myself with hard tasks, I choose the unpredictable thing to make for the most important meal of the day.  Yay.  I've just done an abominable job of talking this food up so let me just tell you, this is one of the best apple breakfast foods I've every had.  It's an amazing treat you can make with any apple and ingredients already in your pantry.  Enjoy!

Dutch Baby Pancake (with apples):

Ingredients
2 tablespoons melted butter for batter

3 eggs lightly beaten
3/4 cup milk
1 tbsp granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup flour
3 tbsp melted butter
2 small apples, peeled and thinly sliced
3 tbsp brown sugar
powdered sugar, sifted, for liberally sprinkling on top of the final product

Instructions:


Preheat oven to 450 degrees

Combine 2 tablespoons of melted butter with the eggs, milk, granulated sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, salt, and flour in a food processor.  Heat the 3 tablespoons of butter with the apple slices in a 10-inch oven-proof skillet until the apples are sizzling and slightly cooked.  Pour the batter over the apples.  Sprinkle the top evenly with the brown sugar.  Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until brown and puffed (it may contort into a strange shape, don't be alarmed, just let it do it's thing).  Dust top with powdered sugar (don't hold back), cut into wedges and serve while hot.

Key Lime Pie

January is one of those months that just seems to drag on and on.  Where I live it's freezing, dry, and snow-less-- a terrible combination.  I just started two hour soccer conditioning at my school and after we finish running the mile my face is numb and my fingers are stiff and frozen.  It's absolutely miserable.  I thought I needed to do something to liven this dreary month. As I was reading Smitten Kitchen (my FAVORITE) I came across her most recent entry and it was like she had read my mind.  She had posted a recipe for my very favorite food and it was the perfect thing to spice January up.  So, inspired by my favorite cook, Deb Perelman of Smitten Kitchen, I decided to make a key lime pie.  I could go on forever about how much I adore key lime pie, but I'll cut myself off here, and give you the recipe so you can see for yourself.

**you don't need key limes to make this recipe, but if possible, please do.  I used regular grocery store limes (aformentioned laziness) and it didn't make much of a difference**

Ingredients

Crust:

1 1/2 cups finely fround graham cracker crumbs (from about 10 crackers)

3 tbsp granulated sugar

2 pinches sea salt

7 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Filling:

1 1/2 tablespoons finely grated lime zest

3 large egg yolks

1 14-ounce can of sweetened condensed milk

2/3 cup (155 ml) fresh lime juice (1 dozen key limes or 4 regular/persian limes)

Topping:

3/4 cup whipping cream

1 to 2 tablespoons of granulated or powdered sugar (to taste)

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Crust: Combine graham crumbs, sugar, and salt in a medium bowl and stir together.  Add the melted butter and stir until crumbs are coated evenly.  In a standard 9-inch pie dish, press crumbs into the bottom and up the sides.  You can use your fingertips, but for neat and firm sides I like to press a measuring cup around the edges.  Bake the crust for 10 minutes until lightly browned. Set on cooling rack while you prepare the filling and remember to leave the oven on.

Filling: Beat the lime zest and egg yolks with an electric mixer until pale and thick.  About 5 minutes.  Add the whole can of sweetened condensed milk and beat until thickened again, about 3 minutes more.  Squeeze the zested limes until you have 2/3 cups juice.  Whisk the juice into the yolk mixture until combined. Pour into the crust and bake it for another 10 minutes, until set but not at all browned.  Let the pie cool completely before adding the topping (and because it's January you can leave it outside to cool quickly! Yay!) 

Topping: In a medium bowl, beat cream and sugar until soft peaks are formed. Spread over the top of chilled pie.  You can put the cream on top 2 to 3 hours before eating so it can fully set before being sliced, but it isn't required. 

**If needed the pie can keep in the fridge for a week, though I know it would never last that long in my house**

The Unfortunate Clash Between My Hobbies and My Health: I Like the Sugar and My Diabetes Doesn't

So, baking has been something I've loved since I rolled my first sugar cookie as a 7-year old.  I really got into it during middle school, and ever since then it's been a hobby I can turn to and count on to cheer me up.  Through the "I love everything mermaid" phase, the "Taking everything annoyingly seriously"phase, the "Oh my god I'm so random" phase, and the "I think I'm really good at applying eyeliner" phase, baking, books and blonde hair are the only consistent factors. So basically I'm trying to say I like baking.

However, almost two years ago, I was diagnosed with type one diabetes.  Let's make sure everyone knows this type is a hereditary immune system disorder that was most likely triggered by puberty or  fever in my case.  Having diabetes has been hard for a thousand reasons.  Midnight finger pricks, self-administered shots, three hour visits to UVA, and that annoying bag that makes everyone thing you are some sort of "priss" who always needs her purse.  Most of it sucks. Luckily I haven't had to give up anything I love, I still play the sports I used to and I can manage things well enough to travel and stay away from home.  I also have a super supportive family and doctor that make it so I know I'm never alone in this.  But most of it still sucks.

If you know anything about diabetes, you know that baking + diabetes = not ideal.  See, previous to my diagnosis, my style of baking was one of those eat while you go processes.  Now don't worry, there was lots of handwashing, but I consumed a fair amount of batter before putting anything in the oven.  Now this isn't good for a person for many reasons, but for someone with diabetes, that just wasn't going to work.

So my baking style had to change, whatever, an easy sacrifice.  The only thing I had left to deal with were the judgments.  When I told my nurse practitioner (who reminded me a lot of my grandmother, comforting and disconcerting) that I liked to bake, she scrunched up her eyebrows and told me that diabetics aren't usually the baking type (still a little confused at who you could define as "the baking type"...).  Even people that aren't in the medical field look briefly confused when they learn I'm a diabetic with a passion for all things sugar.  Well I suppose that does sound a bit strange... but I've never been the stereotype, so why start because my pancreas cells committed suicide?

Allspice Crumble Muffins

Today school was canceled for the minor dusting of snow that barely coated our roads. So I found myself with a whole day with nothing to do. Of course, having a mother for a teacher means that she also has the day off, thus you can't lie around all day because she knows you probably have homework to be doing.  But I thought I'd put the homework off for a little while longer and bake something.  Muffins seemed appropriate because it is so cold outside and a nice sweet muffin seemed to be a perfect companion to hot tea and a book. So I made Allspice Crumble muffins.  I love these muffins because they're sweet without feeling too sweet, also the have a crispy crumble on top to accompany a soft fluffy bottom (made possible by a fair amount of baking soda in the recipe).  Here is the recipe from Dorie Greenspan's Baking: From My Home to Yours:

Ingredients

Streusel:
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
5 tbsp cold unsalted butter, cut into bits

Muffins:
2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbsp baking powder
1/2 tsp allspice
1/4 tsp salt
1 stick unsalted butter, melted and cooled
2 large eggs
3/4 cup whole milk
1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Instructions:

Preheat to 375°

Grease or line muffin tins for twelve muffins

To make the streusel: Put flour, brown sugar, and allspice in a small bowl and sift until blended.  Add the cold butter bits and toss to coat the butter.  Then use your fingers the work the butter into the dry ingredients until you have got irregularly shaped crumbs.  Set aside in refrigerator until needed later.

To make muffins: In a large bowl, whisk the flour, sugar, baking powder, allspice, and salt. Stir in the brown sugar, making certain there are no lumps. In another bowl, whisk the melted butter, eggs, milk, and vanilla together. Pour the liquid ingredients into dry ingredients and gently but quickly stir to blend.  Divide and pour into muffin cups. Then sprinkle streusel over each muffin and press lightly into the top of the muffin(you can layer lightly or heavily depending on how much crunch on top you want).

Bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Makes 12 muffins.

My New Years Resolution

I don't usually make New Years Resolutions, generally because I know I won't carry them out or I just can't think of anything realistic.  But this year I did have something I decided to promise myself.  This year I want to be more honest with myself.  Specifically more honest about my feelings. More honest about whether I like doing certain things or hanging out with certain people.  I feel like I shut myself down sometimes and do things I don't enjoy, merely because others are doing them too.  I want to be able to be in more control, but I can't until I can truly tell myself how I feel.  High school is a critical time in your life where the purpose is to try different subjects and activities to discover your interests.  I can't do that if I'm stuck in my shell.  Though I'm only a freshmen, I still want to think about my future, and the first step in finding out what makes me happy, because that is what matters.  So here's hoping I can follow through and in the process, learn a little more about myself.

Chocolate Peppermint Tart

Yay! Christmas! Crazy toddlers, flour on the counter and in your hair, and enthusiastic Christmas songs on the radio are enough to make anyone crazy but since it's Christmas, you embrace the chaos and hum along to Jingle Bells.  In our family we have three big dinners during the Christmas season. The first dinner on the 23rd with my mom's birthday, than Christmas Eve dinner, and Christmas day dinner (which is a little more of a lunch).  Each dinner needs some sort of dessert. For my mom's birthday I made a yellow cake with buttercream frosting and a layer of lemon in the center. And on Christmas day we don't have a set tradition. But my favorite dessert is the one I make for Christmas Eve. The Chocolate Peppermint Tart.  It makes enough for a huge family because it is so rich, so you only need to serve small slices and all the kids like it.  It's delicious, smooth, festive, and pretty to look at. So all the elements needed in a Christmas dessert. It is a little time consuming due to the crust making that occurs, and everyone knows making crusts are the worst. My mom likes to say that the crust dough can feel your mood and the weather, so keep the windows tightly shut, and work with it gently.

Chocolate Peppermint Tart

Crust:
1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
10 tablespoons chilled unsalted butter, diced
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 1/2 tsp cold whole milk

Filling:
1 1/4 cups whipping cream
1/4 cup light corn syrup
12 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1/2 cup crushed candy canes

Topping:
3 1/2 cups chilled whipping cream
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1 3/4 tsp peppermint extract
1 tbsp crushed candy canes

Instructions:
Crust: Blend the flour, sugar, powder, and salt in a food processor.  Add the butter and vanilla, pulse until the butter forms pea-sized pieces.  Add the milk and blend until the mixture forms small and moist clumps, gather dough into a ball and flatten in into a disk.  Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for 1 hour. (Can make and chill filling in this time period) Roll out dough on a floured surface unto a twelve-inch round.  Press dough onto the bottom and up the sides of a 10 inch tart pan with a removable bottom. Take the extra edges and fold them over and press to form thick sides.  Freeze for 20 minutes. Preheat the oven to 350°. Bake the crust for about 30 minutes, or until brown.  Transfer it to a rack and cool.

Filling: Bring cream and corn syrup to a simmer in a medium saucepan, then remove pan from heat.  Add all the chopped chocolate and whisk until smooth. Cool for 30 minutes. Pour the filling into the crust and sprinkle with 1/2 cup of candy. Chill until set, about 3 hours.

Topping: Make this right before serving.  Using a mixer beat all the topping ingredients until they form stiff peaks.  Spread or pipe it on top of the filling. I personally like to cut a 3/4 inch sized hole in the corner of a gallon sized bag, fill it with the topping and pipe little rosettes that mound in the center. Spreading with a knife works equally well.  Sprinkle the top with the remaining candy cane bits and serve.

So... About Christmas and Pinterest Problems

Christmas is a difficult time for a baker.  There are literally thousands of different things to make, and you have to decide on a few things and you have limited time to do so.  Of course my family has many a holiday recipe, in their vanilla and batter stained glory, kept neatly in binders.  So besides the cookies we make every year, I went searching for something new.  Now I wasn't actually going to page through all the Ina Garten and New Best Recipe books because who has time for that when Google sits enticingly on the computer screen? Oh my god I'm so lazy... So I went to Pinterest.  This was a mistake.  The cookie platters, gingerbread masterpieces, and amazing dinner displays drew me in and the search bar became my worst enemy.  Before I knew it I was reading instructions for DIY mason jar candles and how to do a wrap-around braid with short hair with only 1,000,000 short and easy steps.  So after two hours of my life were officially wasted I went back to the binder on our kitchen shelf titled "Christmas" and began to page through.  I ended up making peanut butter blossoms, sugar cookies, and coconut orange snowballs.  All three were delicious and had their own flavors. They were fun to make and easy enough for a younger sibling to help with.  My favorite cookie (it's been my favorite since I was very little) has always been the Peanut Butter Blossoms, so I'll leave that recipe below.

Peanut Butter Blossoms

Ingredients:

1 stick (1/2 cup)  of butter
3/4 cup of creamy peanut butter (JIF/Peter Pan works best here--none of that healthy stuff:)
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 egg
2 tbsp milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp of salt
granulated sugar
Hershey Kisses

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 375° Fahrenheit

In a a large mixing bowl beat together the butter and peanut butter and the sugars and mix until light and fluffy.  Next, add the egg, milk and vanilla and beat well. In a separate bowl stir the flour, soda, and salt together. Then, gradually mix into the wet ingredients.

Fill a small bowl about halfway with granulated sugar. Use your hands or spoons to shape the dough into 1-inch balls and roll them in the sugar.  Place the balls about 2 inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet (no grease or parchment paper! Yessssss). 

 Bake for 10-12 minutes. It's a good idea to unwrap all the Hershey Kisses while the cookies are baking. 

 Remove them from the oven and immediately put one Hershey kiss in the center of each cookie.  Wait a few minutes and transfer to the cooling rack to cool completely--make sure you don't touch the chocolates once they are in the cookies because they are partially melted and will deform.

The Profound Poetry of a Seven Year Old

So my old desk has been sitting in our basement, it's white paint is chipping and most of the drawers fall apart if you give them only a slight pull.  A chore given to me this winter break was to clean it out and throw away or keep all the crap inside.  This was the desk that sat in the corner of my room all throughout elementary school and my early middle school years, so it's contents are obviously very valuable and important.  Most of it was random stuff, old birthday cards, erasers shaped like animals, lots of sticky notes, a few sparkly gel markers, a couple articles of American Girl doll clothing.  You know, the usual. All of this was fun to find, to remember being that crazy little girl again, but the most priceless items were in the bottom left drawer.  In this drawer were stacks of my old "diaries" (tiny journals that I would document my days in for about a week and then forget for a few months, and then start new one), school journals, and crumpled quizzes and tests(I found one that reads: "Helen is very imaginative in her colorful descriptions, but still doesn't seem to have applied herself to the material" *sigh* so new me and old me aren't that different...).  Anyway, back to the journals/ diaries. In elementary school I thought myself a pretty smart little writer and I wrote some pretty ridiculous poetry that I thought at the time were insightful masterpieces. Here are a few:

Ocean waves
crashing
swirling
oh no
I'm drowning
It's very sandy down here

Obviously I was very knowledgeable about the ways of the ocean and I knew that when you want to get a point across, using less words is definitely more (please note the sarcasm).

Here is where I gave some great advice:

If you ever see a lion in your neighborhood
Take your pets and find a giraffe to stand under
Lions are afraid of them.

I had just finished the Magic Treehouse book where they go to Africa, and I probably picked up this fun fact there.  But I would just like to ask my 2nd grade self when there would ever be a lion in the neighborhood, why I grab my pets (we didn't even have any at the time-- I probably meant my stuffed animals), and why there would be a giraffe just walking around? Will it be totally okay with me standing under it to protect me from this lion that showed up out of the blue?

Here is where I told people a little bit about me:

My brain is slimy and gray,
my organs are red and twisted together,
My heart beats many times a minute
So many times I can't even count them
It pumps my red and warm blood
through blue and purple veins covered by my skin.

This is probably why I had so many friends...
Hope this made you laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction... I certainly hope my writing has improved  from these splendid works of craziness. I hope.

Minor Anxietys of a 21st Century Schoolgirl

Midterms are coming up and there are a thousand kinds of anxious racing around my head.  I have to memorize the equation for photosynthesis, a monologue, aperture levels, and the diffusion of the four universalizing religions.  I must miraculously know over 200 German words and write a sensible essay pertaining to the themes of To Kill A Mockingbird.  My brain is full and utterly worn out.  The amount of tabs filling the windows of my computer is probably setting a world record and the amount of granola bar wrappers surrounding me probably sets a second.  I may be overreacting to the importance of these tests, I know everyone else is trying to act like they don't care, but to be honest, everyone cares.  So I guess I better get back to vertical angles and verb conjugation no matter how much I want to melt into the world of procrastination...

Brownie in a Mug (a.k.a. Heaven in a Cup/Yummy Chocolate Mush)

I couldn't decide on a title as you can tell.  I was going to use some sort of hashtag there but as I typed it every part of me was just internally throwing up. So I didn't. Anyway, this weekend an atrocity took place. One I'm sure many a common person has experienced.  I opened our freezer, the cold air wafting from the assorted pizzas and freezer packs that lie about the icy box, and the one thing absent, was the ice cream.  There may have been tears, there may have been pouting.  But I did what I have been trained to do as a proud member of a internet dependent generation, I went to Google.  I can't remember clearly but I think the search bar read "yummy fast dessert in a cup".  There it was.  Something that seemed moderately delicious and easy enough to make in under ten minutes.  I was mildly satisfied and went about mixing and microwaving, adding a few of my own touches.  But the result was more than I had expected.  It was warm, rich, and gooey.  These "Mug Brownies" are my go-to quick dessert, they only take about 6 minutes to make, and here's the recipe:

         Brownie in a Mug

         1/4 cup flour

          1/4 cup sugar

          2 tbsp cocoa (unsweetened)

          pinch of salt

          pinch of cinnamon (optional)

          2 tbsp canola oil/veggie oil

          1/4 cup water

          1/4 tsp vanilla

         Ice cream or whipped cream for topping

Stir together flour, sugar, cocoa, salt, and cinnamon in a microwavable mug, make sure to break up any clumps.  Then mix in the oil, water and vanilla and stir until smooth.  Place in microwave and heat on high for about 2 minutes (more or less depending on the level of goo you desire) or until cooked through.  Let cool for a minute and add a scoop of ice cream or a bit of cream to the top.,
***pretty rich so splitting recipe in two different mugs is a good idea for those less chocolate inclined***

Happy Turkey Day!!!

Okay now you have a lot of baking to do so I will leave you to it. Good luck out there. It can get messy with the turkey guts, rolls flying, and apple cinnamon filling stuck in your hair. You've got a fridge full of pie dough itching to be rolled out, cranberry sauce to stir, and a neutral Thanksgiving-y playlist to put together on Pandora.  So brace yourself, think of everything you've ever cooked and imagine that this is the final test.  Your moment. Go sparkle you mashed potato fairy because it's Thanksgiving.

APPLES!!!!

I know. You're overwhelmed by the enthusiastic nature of the title compared to my usually dry titles using long words and trying to be more thought provoking and complicated than they are, so I'll say it right now: get over it, I'm excited.  The reason for this happiness about a round red fruit is that I have found the best one, the perfect apple for raw consumption and eating warm in any sort of baked anything.  The site of this discovery was the Charlottesville Farmers Market. My mother and I had just eaten a leisurely breakfast and we were strolling the tents, not looking for anything in particular except for maybe a few fresh veggies to go with our generally boring and mainstream dinner dishes my parents had planned for the week.  Then we happened upon a tent near the end of the row, full of baskets of apples, and next to each basket was a plate with slices cut from that type for you to taste. Being pretty much your typical American, I am an absolute sucker for a free sample, and so I pulled my mother under the tent and proceeded to try each and every apple type.  Then, all of a sudden, the fourth apple, was the quintessence of everything you hoped an apple could be. It was crisp, sour with that underlying balance of sweet, it was like the love scene in a cartoon where the mans eyes bug out and everything seems to move in slow motion and gospel singers start belting chords because every moment in your life was leading up to this one. The moment where I found my apple, the Gold Rush apple and it made me weak at the knees and ready to bake with it.  I'm hoping that I can make my next post about something I made with these apples we bought (seven, will it be enough?!?!), and that maybe it'll be a Thanksgiving apple pie!

A Scene to Set: Essentially My Every Writing Endeavor

Imagine a dark room, illuminated only by the string of star shaped lights that hang around her desk, and the blue and white glow of her computer screen. Cross legged with strained eyes she writes and writes, pouring what last scraps of coherent and comprehensible words lie within her, into her keyboard, and onto the internet.  The hot tea beside her has grown cold and a lonely and empty bag of cheez-its sits on the floor, bits of salt and orange crumbs dust the bottom.  It's quiet except for the subtle tap tap click tap tap tap click of her keyboard.  The taps and clicks are sometimes rushed and loud, the times when an idea has struck and the words can't come fast enough. Then they grow quieter and more spread apart, the times when she's thinking, unsure of what she has to say and how to say it.  The clock on her desk, ticks the minutes by, and every time she checks it, she thinks the minute hand must be broken for it had jumped ahead minutes and hours that she hadn't realized passed.  Finally the computer screen is closed, her writing saved, preserved on the no longer glowing screen, and she takes the few steps from desk chair to bed.  An evening wasted or well spent she isn't sure, but she thinks, an evening of words is never an evening wasted.

Shocking News: I'm an Introvert

I am so shy (unless I'm with my friends), so quiet (unless I'm with my friends), and love my alone time more than anything (unless I'm with my friends).  These are some characteristics of mine that make me an introvert, I know there are other things and these aren't the only things that define an introvert, but right now I want to talk about risk taking, and my mental aversion to it that I'm working on changing.
I am not a risk taker. Unless it's past midnight, I'm near a roller coaster, or I am just on a huge sugar/adrenaline rush, I'm not someone who decides on instinct, it's a bit of a more thoughtful process.  It's a good thing sometimes, but most of the time I wish I could take it and throw it away for a minute because I want to be able to just go with my gut and take a RISK for god's sake. But no. The little door out of my tiny comfort zone has three dangerous words printed on it that get me every time: Are you sure?  I'm not usually sure, and so I step back and by the time I evaluate the situation, I've decided, no, it's too risky, what if don't make it or I embarrass myself or they hate me?!?! No. I won't.  I can't.  And see there, the I can't.  Once I end up there there is no going back.
"I can't" is dangerous.  I know technically I could, but wouldn't it just be easier and less painful not to?  And I guess, I guess "no" is a safe and easy way out, but it can't always be no.  Sometimes it has to be yes, sometimes the risks are worth the taking, and you will gain something from every yes you give. Now lets just clear up that when I say "yes" I mean yes to things that could better your life, things that could take you places. Not yes to things that are way out of your comfort zone or drugs or anything completely irresponsible.  Who do you think I am?
Anyway, where, when, why, and to whom you say yes is up to you and choose these moments carefully because high school determines whether you're going to make it or you're not.  And it is SO important to me that I make it and that everyone around me can and that is why I write this. I write  to say that comfort zones are created by you.  So the only person who can push those walls down and renovate your box a little is you.
I'm practicing doing this myself.  I'm making new friends at a new school, I'm trying new things, and I'm auditioning for something, and I'm comfortable with the fact that I might not make it.  I think that doing all this is really going to prepare me for bigger risks in the future, and knowing how to go at them with confidence and that little dash of spunk and spirit I know lies within me somewhere.  I encourage everybody to do the same.

Some Rambling About Insecurity, Friends, and Who I am

Having just started high school I'm subject to the regular insecurities that girls my age face, most of them having to do with appearance, what I do, and the words that come out of my mouth.  So pretty much anything and everything.  Trust me, I know about all the support and the be who you want to be and don't let anyone stop you campaign and I myself give that speech almost every day, but for some reason none of that can completely abolish the little critical voice in my head.  I think everyone has that voice, we're born with it, but some have learned to put it away or just told it to shut the f*#@ up, and others let it quietly abuse them.  I don't place myself on either ends of that spectrum, because I try to be pretty confident, and part of putting all this online is helping me build that confidence.

Some might say that because I also suffer from this insecurity that I'm not someone who should really be giving advice on the subject, but I do have some things to say.  The first thing is that you are most affected by the people around you. They are the ones that are going to make you smile or cry when you get home, and they are the ones who should respect you and like you for who you are, not who you try to be.  So let those people be people that make you feel good about yourself. They should make you want to be yourself because that is who they like you for.  Around them you should feel comfortable in your own skin, and happy with what you're feeling.  They shouldn't exclude you because of what you wear or how you act, and if they do, they aren't your friends because that isn't what friends do.

In my life I've been given a great gift, the gift of some truly amazing friends.  For several years I was surrounded by some of the most caring and accepting people who helped me to really see what was good about myself, which helped me make others feel good about themselves.  This doesn't mean I've reached that full level of being comfortable with myself, but I've made so much progress.  So even though I now go to a new school, and a lot of those people had started to not be as much of a large part of my life, their influences will always be part of who I am, and I wish that for everyone on this earth.

Relevantly Off Topic: A Family Gathering

There is a loosely formed tradition in my family of gatherings that happen the first Sunday of every month.  It is a sort of potluck affair that consists of a pasta salad or two and a store bought cake if we're lucky.  This month however, this was all postponed for my Grandfather's 70th birthday.  My Grandfather (Grandpa Q to me and my sister) is a very able and intelligent man, who can work magic with a pen and has a wit as sharp as the tips of the Jesus statues he has sprinkled about his house (they are completely ironic of course, because for irony's sake is why he does almost anything).  So his 70th birthday was a big deal, for sometimes we forget that the people that are important to us are merely mortal and will not be with us forever, so it was in some ways, a bittersweet celebration.  

It was a classic Gehle family evening, my grandmother had just gotten back from a long trip to Australia, and even though she insisted she had missed us, her constant chatter about the beauty and the "overall feeling" of the island told us otherwise.  Soon her sister Carol, who was visiting from Kansas, had to follow her around and cut her off after four minutes of Australia talk and everyone thanked her silently. My sister and I like to play a game where we give our family points in our heads at these gatherings and Carol had just earned three.

 My other grandmother, Yia Yia, we call her for she has a strong attraction to everything Greek, was doing her usual. Sitting, asking people to bring her cups of water, and interrupting me while I tried to make small talk with my uncle's boyfriend (who was Greek she later learned and kept him trapped next to her all night).  My Yia Yia's husband, George, was talking about trains or radios or cell towers to someone, and my Aunt Karen had burst into tears when she walked in the door while her shy children scurried to the other room, to hide out with my sister and watch TV.  MY father sat in the corner with some relative and made sarcastic jokes about my grandmother and her trip and made fun of everything remotely serious about the evening.  My mother chatted with my Uncle Ben and his boyfriend Nick, while I hovered, and we ended up laughing and laughing, talking about old Christmas memories and quoting Steel Magnolias. So it was a classic Gehle evening.

Soon it came time to take the family picture. Something the kids dreaded and the whole family looked at as an ordeal, but also something that happened every time the family got together.   Linda, my grandfathers second wife (the one after my grandmother, the one who went to Australia), offered to take it and got out her camera. But somebody in our bunch of relatives all crowded under a happy birthday sign, said "put it on timer mode!" and everyone latched onto this idea and acted like it was so easy, but it turned out no one knew how.  Then my Uncle Jake came out of the kitchen, beer in hand, and we turned to him, thankfully he was somewhat familiar with cameras and put it on a ten second timer, just enough time to run back and get in the picture with everyone else.  Then there was the issue of how to set up the camera, poor Jake stood at the opposite end of the room, fiddling with the camera while different grandparents (Yia Yia in particular, being the bossy person she is) yelled out where to place the camera.  He ended up stacking two pillows and several books and placing the camera on top of that precarious mess.  He pushed a button and an orange light started flashing, counting down the seconds he had to run back and kneel in front of the usual array of tall men in the back, wives in the middle, children situated along the front, and the now 70 year old Grandpa Q positioned in a chair at the front like a regular birthday boy. The light suddenly stopped flashing and everyone assumed the picture had been taken so we relaxed, loosened our tight smiles and waited for someone to go see how it turned out.  Jake trotted over, pulling up his jeans and adjusting his baseball cap, and picked up the camera, then a flash went off and a picture was taken. This was the first of many fails.

So fifteen minutes passed of flashes turning on and off, passive aggressive comments, and a belt malfunctions that caused some unwanted views we got a pretty decent picture. Sure, the smiles looked pretty fake by then and Grandpa Q's legs were spread and his eyes half closed, but we knew that was as good as it would get. Out of that chaos had come a memory and even though in a year of even a month's time I'll probably forget about this night, it'll still be special, and a time that really defined our family for what it was and how even though we irritate each other, we'll always love one another forever.

What NOT to do When Making Nutella Ravioli

As you can tell from the title of this post, I had a bit of a fail today. I thought that on a day when I was tired and lazy that I could make pasta dough... I wish.  Anyway, I thought I could still make a post and give some tips for your future dessert ravioli excursions (of which I'm sure there will be many).

1. Don't think you can get up the morning after a school dance and bake something edible

2. Don't realize you added the wrong amount of an ingredient and then just go with it because it might taste good

3. Don't keep adding time to the timer so you can finish whatever else you're doing

4. Don't start the mixer with a ton of flour in it because something equivalent to a snowstorm takes place

5. Don't drop a ton of nutella on the floor and then leave it there, and step on it like five times before you actually clean it up

6. Don't attempt to make homemade wonton wrappers without any help, having never done it before, and thinking not having a pasta maker will make it "look more homemade" because most of the time that ISN"T a good thing

7. And when you start to get confused by the recipe, don't just stop reading it and think you can improvise the rest because being of German descent, I know NOTHING about Korean cuisine

8. Don't brag to your family about the awesome nutella treat you're about to make when there's a chance you will fail.  Because you probably jinxed it.

ANYWAY, This really does look delicious and it is a simple recipe if you take the author's advice about buying wonton wrappers and not trying to make them if you never have before, so if you want to try it out click here, I love this blog and she has some really good ideas that turn out fabulously.

A Small Announcement

I've recently decided that there are so many more experiences I want to share that aren't always related to baking/cooking or whatever nonsense I post now on this blog.  This thought has drifted around in my mind for the past month and has finally settled down and become a relevant idea.  So, I am going to be posting as frequently as I can, with both oven related and just general life related content.

Right-Hand Recipe

Do you have one of those recipes that you can always rely on for any occasion, that always works out, and never fails to be completely delicious?  If you don't, you must find it.  It's a bit like having a baking soulmate.  This recipe for me is my recipe for chocolate chip cookies. I know, I know, chocolate chip cookies... blah blah, but remember, you've never tried one, and one classic rule of the culinary world is to never judge a food before you try it. Unless the words "clam" and puree" are involved, then stay far away from whatever that was.  But honestly, no one has ever had one of my cookies and not loved them, I posted the recipe a while ago, but I've changed it a bit. I use the same ingredients, but I make them MUCH bigger, and under bake them so they are chewy and soft for about one to two whole days!  I make these cookies for whenever and for whatever, I sell them at bake sales, I make them for my family, for school events, and whenever I have spare time. I almost get upset when someone else in my family tries to make them because they're my little babies:)  You could call me possessive.  They're my culinary sidekick, my soulmate, and my right-hand recipe, and I don't think I could have survived without them:) So if this describes nothing you've ever made, then my advice is to pick a lovable and simple recipe and perfect it by making it over and over until you're almost sick of it, once you've committed the recipe to memory and only grab the book off the shelf out of habit, then you have your right-hand recipe, and can successfully move on in your baking career!

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General Stuff Pertaining to Christmas Cookies

Even though it seems that Thanksgiving just happened, and all of the relatives were just filling the house, Christmas is almost here.  And I know that the most stressful thing about the coming of Christmas Day (besides the house overflowing with cousins, grandparents, and who knows who) is the food.  Obviously.  That is a truth universally acknowledged (not to get all Jane Austen or anything, but it was a necessary reference).  And I know that in the category of food for Christmas the most important thing to me is the desserts.  And under desserts, cookies take a prominent place in our household.  We make at least four different kinds.  There are the sugar cookies (classic, but pretty high-maintenance), the light spice (a less intense molasses cookie), coconut orange snowballs (yummily flavored powdered-sugar balls), and peanut blossoms (peanut butter cookies with a Hershey kiss stuck delicately in the center) which are a personal favorite to bake and eat!  And several others, but these are the favorites.  Sometimes rolling out the dough for the sugar cookies can be a pain, and (if we decide to) decorating them with frosting can be tricky and takes a fair amount of time.  The snowballs and blossoms are are more manageable, but still have to be made (sometimes I brush aside the easier tasks for later and totally forget that even if they are simple, they actually need time set aside for their creation).  I think that cookies can be a beautiful dessert, and they are small-child friendly. I mean, who doesn't perk up when they hear the cookies are ready?

The Tommorrow of Turkey Day Has Come

All that work, all those crusts and rolls and potatoes have been eaten, or moved into a newer and sadder world of leftovers.  When you wake up there isn't a feeling of getting things done and baking all day, all there is to do is scrape stuffing and gravy remains off of a relatives day-old plate because you didn't feel like doing it yesterday.  This is obviously a case of what I call "Holiday Fatigue"  It's a problem that you can address with intermittent naps between work times, but in severe cases it can cause unnecessary grumpiness and hunger.  And the only way through it is to finish your chores  Sucks right?  The Friday after Thanksgiving may be one of my least favorite days.  But on a happier note, now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, you can fully settle into Christmas spirit!  We went to scout out a Christmas tree today, and the scent of those branches may just be the most heavenly thing besides cinnamon buns.  So look forward to Christmastime and the cooking that accompanies it!

Apple Cider Salted Caramels

My mouth is watering as I write this...Three words:  Best Candy Ever. It's fall in the Blue Ridge Mountains all in one bite.  Standing in the cool orchards, eating a Carter's Mountain apple, watching the leaves turn fiery and then fall, turning the trees into gray skeletons.  And at the end of that bit, that little taste, the crunch of the sea salt comes in, just to add that last perfect touch that all candy requires.  Being a diabetic I can't eat candy just any time, but I carry it around and sometimes eat it in instances of low blood sugar. My first try at these caramels was a huge success.  They hardened perfectly and the taste and texture were delightful (had my family try them out).  But, by this experience I came to think that making these was "easy"  so I tried again.  But they didn't harden, and then the next time they were much to salty, I felt cheated and falsely assured by my first batch.  But now I have notes written in my cookbook (ALWAYS a good idea, the phrase "learn from your mistakes" may have been specifically directed at bakers) and I have them all figured out.  In fact, I'll be making them for a craft fair this weekend! I won't say the process was easy, but it was definitely worth it.  Link to the recipe here: Apple Cider Salted Caramels

Popovers

This is my first time concocting these cute little pastries.  They look quite funny in the pan, golden brown, but lumpy and "popped"  into strange contortions, but deliciously eggy and warm inside.  I get my recipe from The King Arthur Flour Cookbook, which is one of my favorite books for the basics.  They are extremely easy, the only part about them that is annoying is the fact that you have to melt the butter.  I mean, I do that for many recipes but I find it kinda annoying, you know?  But overall popovers make a great and easy breakfast for hungry kids and adults alike!  I highly recommend them and even a bit of cinnamon or teeny tiny pinch of mutmeg in the batter can add a little something!

Peach Handpies

This may have been one of my most strenuous culinary adventures.  I was planning to have a bake sale with my friend at our local pool, and I was trying recipes out, and bringing them to taste test when I went swimming.  I was trying to make our treats more unique, not just your classic brownies and cupcakes that you see at most bake sales put together by kids. I was browsing around some cooking websites and flipping through some cookbooks when I came across several handpie recipes.  I had never made handpies before, but they looked pretty easy.  You needed to make pie dough (I'd done that before) and a fruit filling (I can do that too)  and I thought it could be pretty simple.  I decided on peaches as my fruit because it was summer and peaches have that natural sweetness and flavor that is delicious in pies and tarts.  It turned out to take a TON of time and I was pretty much feeling full on hatred towards the little crescent moon pies.  But they were a huge hit and I made a fair amount of money, and gave a good portion of it to the swim team.  So they did some good, in people's mouths, and in paying for a little something for the swim coaches!  Anyway, they were a tough experience, but they were yummy!  So if you like challenges in the kitchen, go for handpies!

Spice Cake With Peanut Buttercream

From the cookbook: Rose's Heavenly Cakes, here is a amazing recipe for a delicious spice cake with HEAVENLY peanut buttercream:

For The Spice Cake:

Ingredients

2 large eggs

2/3 cup low-fat buttermilk

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour (or cake flour)

1 cup of sugar

1 1/2 unsweetened cocoa powder

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

1 stick (8 tablespoons) butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

   Prepare a nine by two inch pan with a cake strip, bottom coated with shortening, topped with parchment, and coated in baking spray (you DO NOT want this cake to stick).  In a medium bowl whisk the eggs, 3 tablespoons of buttermilk, and the vanilla until lightly combined.  In the bowl of a stand mixer, mix the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and cloves for about 30 seconds.  Add the butter and the remaining buttermilk.  Mix on low speed until dry ingredients are moistened.  Beat for 1 1/2 minutes. Gradually add in the wet ingredients, in two parts, beating for 30 second after each addition.  Bake from 30 to 40 minutes.

For the Buttercream:

Ingredients

1/2 cup peanut butter (preferably Jif) at room temperature

1/2 cup minus one tablespoon cream cheese

1/2 stick (4 tablespoons) butter

1/4 cup of powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a food processor, combine the peanut butter, cream cheese, butter, sour cream, powdered sugar, and vanilla.  Process, scraping down the sides of bowl as necessary until buttercream is smooth and uniform in color.

When the cake is completely cool, frost it and don't be sparse with the buttercream.

Note: This buttercream goes great on other cakes as well as cupcakes.  

Beranbaum, Rose. Rose's Heavenly Cakes. Hoboken, New Jersey: John Wiley and Sons Inc., 2009. Print.